Crossing Borders Personal Essays On Divorce

“The personal essay boom is over,” declared the NewYorker’s Jia Tolentino some scant months ago. Tolentino set about writing an obituary for the form (or, at least, its latest internet-bred and voyeurism-driven iteration) when she noticed it was no longer ubiquitous, no longer as tantalizing to onlookers scanning social media feeds. The cause of death, it was established, was circumstantial; the age of Trump along with its “phantasmagoric” political landscape has imputed a need for objectivity, and requires aspiring writers to rise above interiority and the cumbersome, increasingly reviled identity markers that are the personal essay’s integral ingredient. An enumeration of now-shuttered personal essay venues was provided, shrugging ex-editors, former gatekeepers of the internet’s erstwhile confession booths, duly quoted.

As it happens, the rumors of the death of the personal essay are somewhat exaggerated. The personal essay survives; it has simply moved house, far away from MFA-primed almost-writers and their bumbling and furtive attempts to, as the NewYorker put it, “figure out if they had something to say.” Its new and surprising habitat is the jihadist magazine. Here it lives, many clicks away from the usual realm of the tell-all screed, but still dishing up for its readers a raw, first-person account, sodden with the implied intimacy of revealed secrets, the seductive you-and-me equation. In it still is the pivot of self-transformation, the saucy how-stupid-I-was-back-then flavor of introspection.

Dr. Khaula worries that she “may have been too sinful to go to Khorasan and join the Taliban.”

The very first issue of the Pakistani Taliban’s magazine Sunnat-e-Khaula features just such a specimen. Euphemistically titled “My Journey from Ignorance to Guidance,” it is an account of a female doctor, also named Khaula, who abandons career and family to join up with the Taliban and migrate to Khorasan (the Persian name for the territory that encompassed what is now northern Afghanistan). Along with the hard sell typical of jihadist zines—the exhortations to oppose everyone fighting against jihadis and discard all arguments pointing to their penchant for mass-murder—there is an odd and new ingredient: doubt. It shows up in unexpected places. All set to head on to Afghanistan, Dr. Khaula worries that she “may have been too sinful to go to Khorasan and join the Taliban.” It’s a slick insertion, and a clever one; the message to readers is that it’s okay if you’ve been less than Muslim or not even Muslim at all. So long as you’re willing to transform yourself into the Taliban’s version of a good Muslim now, they’re quite eager to have you.

There are other surprising ingredients, all of them tailored to lure impressionable women out of the audience, ladies too embarrassed to admit they find the Taliban’s medieval aesthetic appealing or the idea of long-term cave habitation somewhat intriguing. Taliban wives aren’t dumb, Khaula tells us, and the tales of their barbaric actions, well, they’re simply “false stories” (or, in American parlance, fake news). At the end of her narrative, the inveterate Dr. Khaula comes out to her family as a Taliban supporter bound for Khorasan. The invocation to female rebellion, hedged as it is amid recognitions of her parents’ love for her, is clear. It’s also stunning; the Taliban, whose signature move was banning unaccompanied women from all public places, are now sanctifying female independence. Their heroine is the intrepid and still unmarried Khaula, waving a buh-bye to her family, and boarding a public bus bound for Khorasan.

Another example of the jihadist personal essay can be found in the last issue of Dabiq, the now-defunct magazine of the Islamic State. Titled “How I Came to Islam” (in actuality, the author means the Islamic State), it tells the story of a woman identified only as “the mother of Khalid from Finland.” Raised Christian, but only in the desultory mode of celebrating Christmas and Easter and other events that involve presents, Umm Finlandia ends up marrying a Muslim man, who isn’t interested in practicing his religion either. It is only after she divorces him that she decides, independently, to learn more about Islam. As she becomes more devout and decides to wear the headscarf, there is friction with her parents of the expected, what-the-heck-is-the-matter-with-you sort. Lost, she marries again, this time to a Muslim man whose zealotry matches her own. Like Dr. Khaula, the author of this essay is very insistent that this is the route she has chosen, not the product of an upbringing, or the hobby of a husband that she’s converted into her own. Choices, good ones and bad ones, are the fuel that runs the engine of the personal essay, and this fact of the form is not lost on jihadist authors. Migration caps off the internal transformation; crossing the border into the Islamic State is full of feels and, in a personal-essay cliché, inexpressible in words: “I can’t even describe the feeling of when you finally cross that border and enter the lands of the Caliphate,” Kaula sighs. Of course there are still “hardships and trials” (different food, different languages, and children scared by bombings). It is all par for the course, though; no one said marriage, erm, relationships, erm, jihad was easy.

The jihadist personal essay is cultish and proselytizing, deceptively intimate and unabashedly political.

Propaganda is art and these two jihadist personal essays are solidly propaganda, slick seductions to inspire the bored or the lost or the simply naturally murderous into their political project. It is this last part that is important and that reveals the most glaring difference between the personal essay boom that gave us stories of lost tampons, mystery illnesses, and wrecked relationships and its mini-adoption into the realm of virtual jihad propaganda. Even as the jihadist personal essay postures as a call to faith, the action that is described and demanded of its reader is not just a return or even a closer avowal of Islam, but an actual migration, a signing on to the political project of massacre and conquest that these groups have so effectively gift-wrapped in the language of faith. In this solidly political goal, repugnant as it is, the lurid jihadist incarnation of the personal essay is not worried about whether and if the “I” dilutes the political message; it knows that it does. It also knows that it is just that dilution that lends it intimacy; exhibitionism attracts and confessions convince.

This exposes an absence on the other side. Personal essays do not require an agenda to be good essays; but to imagine personal essays as lacking a politics is to underestimate their power. The idea that attention to  the Trumpian political landscape of now requires a turn away from the personal, from the “I,” institutes a false binary, the corrosive inference that there is a personal that is not political. The failure of the personal essay of old, the navel-gazing rant on a bad break up or the social consequences of tweeting a sexual fetish, is its refusal to interrogate its own politics, be they wry, post-feminist capitulations to patriarchy or the economic or racial privileges that enable the production of such solipsistic screeds. The jihadist personal essay is cultish and proselytizing, an invitation to a murderous movement; but it is also deceptively intimate and unabashedly political. A service to the political discourse of now, one stricken with hate and misunderstanding, would be for us to resurrect the political personal essay, the vexing wrangling that led to a vote, the story that explains a controversial position, exposes a personal path to confronting a hatred or a prejudice. The order of the day should not be an abandonment of the “I,” a flippant vow never to look at your own navel, but to note that your navel, too, has a politics of its own.

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Discussion Questions for Crossing Borders: Personal Essays

Troncoso, Sergio, Crossing Borders: Personal Essays, Arte Público Press, September 2011, 201 pp., ISBN-10:1558857109, ISBN-13: 978-1-55885-710-0 (paperback), $16.95.

Downloadable PDF of Discussion Questions

1. In “Crossing Borders,” the author says, “we create pure beginnings to simplify things, maybe to build our self-esteem, but in reality we are interrelated, mestizo, in more ways than we can imagine.”Do you know of an instance when someone created a pure beginning for his heritage or history, only to find out that the truth was more complicated than that imagined beginning?Why do you think we do this?

2. In “Literature and Migration,” how is the author making a distinction between morality and intelligence?Why do you think Troncoso learned this lesson going from Ysleta to Harvard and Yale?

3. Describe and analyze this borderland the author says he inhabits, “trying to write to be understood by those who matter to me, yet also trying to push my mind with ideas beyond the everyday.”What are the difficulties of writing simply, yet also writing about complex, philosophical topics?Why should this matter?What do you think the author wants to accomplish?

4. In “Fresh Challah,” the author describes his abuelita as having not just a contrary character, but also a righteous one.Explain the difference.How is self-reflection and humility important in being righteous?How does self-criticism help you to empathize with others?

5. In interviews, Troncoso has said he wrote “Letter to my Young Sons” after hearing his wife’s stories about how many women in her support group had been abandoned by their spouses or boyfriends during these women’s struggles against breast cancer.What kind of example, as a husband and father, is the author giving us in this essay?Does he succeed?What stereotypes is he challenging?

6. Describe and explain the “quotidian fantasy” that is shattered after the author’s wife is diagnosed with breast cancer.Have you ever had a crisis in which your quotidian fantasy is undermined?How close must you be to a crisis for this fantasy to be shattered?Why do you think we need this fantasy to function in the world?

7. What are the challenges the author and his wife faced in telling their young children about her breast cancer?How should we talk to a child to explain a disease and its treatment? Why?

8. During the care the author’s wife received at the hospital, Troncoso writes that they struggled against the attitude of demanding “one right answer.”Why?What kind of answers should patients and their families expect from doctors?How can patients and their families check their own emotions and desires when demanding answers?What responsibilities do doctors have when communicating their results to patients?

9. How do you think a patient’s (or her family’s) reaction to a health crisis affects her ability to overcome that crisis?Do you agree with the author that “if the patient gives up, in some manner her body also gives up on her”?Why or why not?

10. Why do you think the author writes about his life in a counterfactual manner in “A Day Without Ideas”?

11. Why do you think the has difficulty rationally discussing and addressing the issue of undocumented workers?What kind of acceptance of undocumented immigrants is the author advocating in “Latinos Find an on the Border of Acceptance”?Do you agree?

12. Why do you think the author writes “The Father Is in the Details” like a daily journal, in the present tense, with sentence fragments, chockfull of minor and major details?What kind of reality is he describing?As a reader, how do you feel when you are embedded in this reality?

13. How do you think writing about a character trait you are trying to change in yourself will help you change it?The author writes: “These words have helped me in a way. I put myself there, on the page, this impatient self, and attempt to step beyond it. What I want is to change my character forever. I want to be a good father.”

14. In “Terror and Humanity,” the author argues that idea-things (i.e. abstractions via categorizations) allow us to more easily be inhumane, to perpetrate evil acts. Why?Do you agree? Cite examples to support your argument.

15. “My mind is a body that’s a mind,” says the author in “Trapped.”How is this at once an attempt to write through the senses (à la Robert Olin Butler), but also a criticism of this style of writing?How is the author trapped?How can he separate what he experiences through his senses and what he thinks with his mind?

16. Analyze the struggles the author faced as a board member of a writers’ center in “Apostate of my Literary Family.”Should someone facing such challenges stay in an organization to change it for the better, or does he compromise too much of himself by doing so? What did the author learn from this experience?

17. “This Wicked Patch of Dust” begins with a trivial argument, but metamorphoses into something more important: what is this conflict between father and son about? Different generations and different values? The pain of a family’s history and what was never said?Adulthood and mortality? What does it mean for ‘a father and son to break away from each other’? Have you ever experienced a similar family conflict?

18. Do you think the critics of illegal immigration in the are hypocrites who conveniently overlook the many ways in which this country encourages undocumented workers and exploits them, as the author argues in “Chico Lingo Days”?

19. According to Troncoso in “Finding our Voice: From Literacy to Literature,” what family practices will help Latinos succeed in the world? Do you agree? Why or why not? What family practices might hinder Latinos?

20. In “Why Should Latinos Write Their Own Stories?” the author argues that Latinos should write stories to define themselves, but also to challenge themselves. Think about what these dual reasons imply: believing in yourself and bolstering your confidence through self-definition; yet also questioning that definition, and so changing it for the better. Why do you think the author has set up this tension between these two reasons for Latinos writing their stories?

Read three essays in Crossing Borders: Personal Essays: Why Should Latinos Write Their Own Stories?, A Day Without Ideas, and Fresh Challah.

Short stories: Angie Luna, The Snake, A Rock Trying to be a Stone, and Espíritu Santo.

Read an excerpt from Troncoso’s novel From This Wicked Patch of Dust.

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